The importance of being honest

Posted on October 30, 2014 by dtw42

I had an author this week, who wrote in her biography section, "Professor Lee's articles have been published in journals like Nature, Science, and PLoS One." Uh-huh. Which Zork copy-edited to "...journals SUCH AS Nature, Science, and PLoS One. Fair enough. Then on her proof she re-instates the original wording ... apparently she hasn't published in ANY of those three journals ... just in journals LIKE them. Eesh.

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Mind games

Posted on October 21, 2014 by dtw42

From Group IT Services. To All employees. Subject Viruses. Many of you will have received a communication from a sender "I.M. Dodgy", with the message header "Do not read this email". This email contains a virus, so please DO NOT open it. If you do open it, DO NOT launch the attachment, a ZIP file called "do_not_open_this_file.zip". I don't like the psychological turn these spam emails are taking ...

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Error … does not commute (Part II)

Posted on October 14, 2014 by dtw42

Um, Zork has little secret. We be cloned: there three of Zork. One work here while second commute. And the third? ... Other job at Batley University Press. You not think this wage support three?

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Error … does not commute (Part I)

Posted on October 13, 2014 by dtw42

Zork, how long do yuo spend commuting from Titan every day? Nine hour. Yikes – four and a half hours each way? No, no. Nine hour in, nine hour back. But you do an eight-hour work day ... that makes twenty-six hours! ... which is impossible? ...

To be continued…

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Stupid shit authors say

Posted on October 12, 2014 by dtw42

"I've supplied my proof corrections as a revised version of my manuscript, TO MAKE THINGS EASIER" "Can you send me my proof as a Word file, so I can edit it?" "Thank you for the printed copy of my published article. I have spotted a couple of things that need amending" "That editorial I sent you a fortnight ago wasn't the final version. Here's an updated version."

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Relocation, relocation, relocation

Posted on October 9, 2014 by dtw42

Your job roles are all to be outsourced to Merlock Production Services, Inc. Wah! So we ARE being made redundant! Well ... No, because our entire department has been bought up by Merlock ... So you all have the opportunity to carry on with your existing roles, just working for them instead. ... of course you would have to work from their regional office ... And where is that? Um ... Titan!

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Portal-oo!

Posted on October 8, 2014 by dtw42

Here – tech support have got a new system for logging calls – you just type "I.T.Portal" into your browser. Ha! *click* What are they like with their nerdy sci-fi terminology? Sounds like it'd open a stargate to another dimension! AAIEEE!

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On the occasion of the Scottish independence referendum

Posted on September 24, 2014 by dtw42

Carzy old man's lost the vote. Haven't you had that clue before? Ah! – "Salmond" Oh, very topical

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Value added publishing

Posted on July 13, 2014 by dtw42

Okay, team. We're launching a new online-only journal. What's the subject matter? Oh, it'll be INTERDISCIPLINARY. Okay, what's the issue frequency? Individual articles will just publish as and when they're ready – that's the beauty of online-only. Sounds to me like it's only the peer-review process that's making this a journal at all, and not a BLOG. ... Which brings me neatly to item two on the agenda ...

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The sign of four

Posted on July 12, 2014 by dtw42

Now, it's vitally important and you all sign these and return them to me by Thursday. ... Okay, is it just me or is there nowhere to sign on this document? No, it's not just you. Who WAS that, anyway? Never seen her before in my life ...

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Edstrong…

Posted on June 20, 2014 by dtw42

Ah, you'll have to allow three weeks for this editor to check his issue revises. Fastidious, is he? Let's put it this way: he went to the opticians, and found three typos in the eye test chart.

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PWI’s contribution to “English is Crazy”

Posted on May 1, 2014 by dtw42

Ever considered this?

A thing that passes by is a bypass.
However, a person who passes by isn’t a *bypasser but a passer-by.

A thing that stands by should therefore be a *bystand, but it isn’t, it’s a standby.
However, a person who stands by isn’t a *stander-by but a bystander.

My head hurts.

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Supplier teleconference

Posted on April 25, 2014 by dtw42

No, no, we promise we haven't got new people working on your journals. Who are you?

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Tidy Friday (part II)

Posted on April 15, 2014 by dtw42

Hang on, not so fast, you two! Oops, rumbled. Whaddya mean, "Tidy Friday?" Today's only Thursday. Oh! Well most teams aren't fully staffed on a Friday, and even WE can't thr– TIDY away stuff without its owner's consent ... Why not call it "Tidy Thursday", then? Duh! That doesn't rhyme!

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Tidy Friday (part I)

Posted on April 14, 2014 by dtw42

Tidy-hi, campers! We're the "Tidy Friday" team, here to help you streamline your storage solutions! Cool! Are we going to get some nice new filing cabinets to keep our hard-copy records in? Um ... let's say, "yes". Great, put them at the end of Jenny's desk, please. Phil, I've got a baaad feeling about this.

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An interview with…

Posted on March 19, 2014 by dtw42

So, where do you get your ideas from? I used to think them all up myself, but then I found I could outsource to a firm in India who produce ideas 70% as good as mine but in half the time and for half the price. In that case, why do you post so infrequently? Well, they dispatch the ideas to me using 'Yodel', so for every ten I order, only two actually turn up.

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Fast train to nowhere

Posted on March 5, 2014 by dtw42

This year's staff training prospectus is out. Oh yes? What courses are on offer for us? "Knowledge sharing", "Change management" Wah! They're making us all redundant! Not necessarily! God, you lot are so cynical! Page two: "Preparing a better C.V." *Whimper!*

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All change here

Posted on February 14, 2014 by dtw42

I'm the new "Global Head of Change". Can you do me five ones for this fiver?

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A balanced opinion

Posted on February 5, 2014 by dtw42

Hi Becky – I wasn't in for the big "town hall" meeting. What did they talk about? Oh, there was much talk of "leveraging scale". Isn't that what crooked greengrocers do when they want to serve you an underweight measure?

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PITA

Posted on February 3, 2014 by dtw42

So, what made your 'Postmodern Theory' journal such a pain? Was it the muddle-headed editor? No ... Pompous authors? No ... Marking-up of abstracts in Shavian alphabet? No, it was just so damned expensive to print. Why? Triangular pages. ... You think it was a bummer in the print issue; imagine the style-sheets I had to write to make it work in the HTML.

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