Forthcoming attractions

Okay – a brief break from the cartoons to say:

Coming soon: People With Issues … the book!

Yes, you read that right: PWI can now be read offline, no batteries required. Snigger at the exploits of Jenny, Phil, Ramala et al. even where there’s no web access at all. What could possibly be a better remedy for Internet withdrawal, than sitting down with your favourite hot beverage and a selection of silly cartoons impressed with ink onto thin slices of dead tree? Of course, if you happen to laugh so hard that you spill your drink on it and have to buy another, well…

A perfect gift for the one you love just enough to spend about a fiver on, the PWI book features 64 pages of the cartoons from this site (plus a couple of little bonus ones that haven’t been uploaded here), glued together between a pair of gloriously colourful covers, garnished with text in my lovingly hand-crafted font Susino (used for the title banner here), all for the not-altogether-unreasonable price of £4.50 (+p&p).

Interested? Head over to our publisher www.skirwingle.co.uk to pre-order your copy (they’re currently at the printers and will ship as soon as we receive them)!

PWI book

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Match of the day

You join us here at a tense moment in the departmental finals of "LinkedIn Endorsement Chicken." *PING!* Paige Rankin endorsed you for "squid wrangling". *PING!* Seb White endorsed you for "playing minesweeper". *PING!* Paige Rankin endorsed you for "exotic dancing". Twitch. You flinched! We have a winner!

 

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The importance of being honest

I had an author this week, who wrote in her biography section, "Professor Lee's articles have been published in journals like Nature, Science, and PLoS One." Uh-huh. Which Zork copy-edited to "...journals SUCH AS Nature, Science, and PLoS One. Fair enough. Then on her proof she re-instates the original wording ... apparently she hasn't published in ANY of those three journals ... just in journals LIKE them. Eesh.

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Mind games

From Group IT Services. To All employees. Subject Viruses. Many of you will have received a communication from a sender "I.M. Dodgy", with the message header "Do not read this email". This email contains a virus, so please DO NOT open it. If you do open it, DO NOT launch the attachment, a ZIP file called "do_not_open_this_file.zip". I don't like the psychological turn these spam emails are taking ...

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Error … does not commute (Part II)

Um, Zork has little secret. We be cloned: there three of Zork. One work here while second commute. And the third? ... Other job at Batley University Press. You not think this wage support three?

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Error … does not commute (Part I)

Zork, how long do yuo spend commuting from Titan every day? Nine hour. Yikes – four and a half hours each way? No, no. Nine hour in, nine hour back. But you do an eight-hour work day ... that makes twenty-six hours! ... which is impossible? ...

To be continued…

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Stupid shit authors say

"I've supplied my proof corrections as a revised version of my manuscript, TO MAKE THINGS EASIER" "Can you send me my proof as a Word file, so I can edit it?" "Thank you for the printed copy of my published article. I have spotted a couple of things that need amending" "That editorial I sent you a fortnight ago wasn't the final version. Here's an updated version."

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Relocation, relocation, relocation

Your job roles are all to be outsourced to Merlock Production Services, Inc. Wah! So we ARE being made redundant! Well ... No, because our entire department has been bought up by Merlock ... So you all have the opportunity to carry on with your existing roles, just working for them instead. ... of course you would have to work from their regional office ... And where is that? Um ... Titan!

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Portal-oo!

Here – tech support have got a new system for logging calls – you just type "I.T.Portal" into your browser. Ha! *click* What are they like with their nerdy sci-fi terminology? Sounds like it'd open a stargate to another dimension! AAIEEE!

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On the occasion of the Scottish independence referendum

Carzy old man's lost the vote. Haven't you had that clue before? Ah! – "Salmond" Oh, very topical

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Value added publishing

Okay, team. We're launching a new online-only journal. What's the subject matter? Oh, it'll be INTERDISCIPLINARY. Okay, what's the issue frequency? Individual articles will just publish as and when they're ready – that's the beauty of online-only. Sounds to me like it's only the peer-review process that's making this a journal at all, and not a BLOG. ... Which brings me neatly to item two on the agenda ...

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The sign of four

Now, it's vitally important and you all sign these and return them to me by Thursday. ... Okay, is it just me or is there nowhere to sign on this document? No, it's not just you. Who WAS that, anyway? Never seen her before in my life ...

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Edstrong…

Ah, you'll have to allow three weeks for this editor to check his issue revises. Fastidious, is he? Let's put it this way: he went to the opticians, and found three typos in the eye test chart.

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PWI’s contribution to “English is Crazy”

Ever considered this?

A thing that passes by is a bypass.
However, a person who passes by isn’t a *bypasser but a passer-by.

A thing that stands by should therefore be a *bystand, but it isn’t, it’s a standby.
However, a person who stands by isn’t a *stander-by but a bystander.

My head hurts.

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Supplier teleconference

No, no, we promise we haven't got new people working on your journals. Who are you?

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Tidy Friday (part II)

Hang on, not so fast, you two! Oops, rumbled. Whaddya mean, "Tidy Friday?" Today's only Thursday. Oh! Well most teams aren't fully staffed on a Friday, and even WE can't thr– TIDY away stuff without its owner's consent ... Why not call it "Tidy Thursday", then? Duh! That doesn't rhyme!

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Tidy Friday (part I)

Tidy-hi, campers! We're the "Tidy Friday" team, here to help you streamline your storage solutions! Cool! Are we going to get some nice new filing cabinets to keep our hard-copy records in? Um ... let's say, "yes". Great, put them at the end of Jenny's desk, please. Phil, I've got a baaad feeling about this.

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An interview with…

So, where do you get your ideas from? I used to think them all up myself, but then I found I could outsource to a firm in India who produce ideas 70% as good as mine but in half the time and for half the price. In that case, why do you post so infrequently? Well, they dispatch the ideas to me using 'Yodel', so for every ten I order, only two actually turn up.

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Fast train to nowhere

This year's staff training prospectus is out. Oh yes? What courses are on offer for us? "Knowledge sharing", "Change management" Wah! They're making us all redundant! Not necessarily! God, you lot are so cynical! Page two: "Preparing a better C.V." *Whimper!*

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All change here

I'm the new "Global Head of Change". Can you do me five ones for this fiver?

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